the art of remembering.

About a month ago, Mak and I returned to Haiti after a beautifully refreshing six weeks back home in NC. To be real honest, I was dreading coming back. The first seven months of living in Haiti weren’t necessarily the easiest. They were filled with emotional breakdowns and tear-filled calls to friends who tried their best to comfort me but didn’t really know how. I blamed God for brokenness and my friends for not being here and myself for not getting it together, and the only legit one out of all those three accusations was the one for myself. I didn’t have it together at all. To make matters worse, when I got back home, things went right back to normal. A lot of missionaries, upon arrival back to their home country, feel sorta like foreigners in their home land. They’ve missed out on things and nothing is the same as when they left. They don’t fall back into the rhythm of life there. For me, it wasn’t like that at all. I fit right back into my friend group and things picked up right where they were left off. Everything seemed right again, I never missed a beat. It really sucks because I love my life in America so much. I love my family, my friends, chick-fil-a, target, whole foods, kombucha (still praying that one day kombucha will be sold in Haiti I CAN HOPE OKAY), and freedom to drive anywhere I want.

God has really surprised me since I got back. I’ve been so content here, like oddly content (probably attributed to the many times I prayed “HOLY SPIRIT I REALLY NEED YOU TO HELP ME BE CONTENT” yeah.). We’ve been busy, but not insanely so because it’s not team season right now. I’ve had a lot of time to spend with God praying, studying, meditating. He’s taught me a lot in the quiet days. I read a lot in Deuteronomy and in there Moses talks a lot about remembering. Remembering who you are, where you came from, where you’re going, but most importantly, remembering God. Moses is constantly begging the Israelites to remember who God is and reminding them that it was INSANE that their God loved them and forgave them like he always did. Regardless, they forgot, and when they forgot who God is they forgot who they were and they fell into sin. God is the one who gives us our worth and when we forget him, we forget that we are chosen by him and that he has called us to more than sin could ever give us.

  “For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the LORD loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations…(Deuteronomy 7:6-9 ESV)

We have to remember God, his faithfulness to us even in our wandering. As Ann Voskamp says, we have to be a re-membering people. It’s a constant thing that we have to practice every day, hour, and moment because when we forget him, sin and doubt creep in and we start believing lies about who we are and who he is. I’ve been practicing remembering a lot lately. When I get overwhelmed by the need in Haiti, I remember who he is and what he has called me to, to help one at a time, to share his gospel with one at a time. To speak his love and grace to people who are hurting. To believe that he loves them more than I do and that he is sovereign to care for those he created and loves. I remember that he will equip me for what he tells me to do. I remember him in the mundane, in the seemingly unimportant moments that are actually really important, to glorify him in all things, whether it’s hanging the laundry out for the fourth time or praying over a dying 20 year old who has been abandoned by his family. I’m learning to always remember him, and I still forget a lot, but it’s changing my view of everything. It’s changing my outlook and it gives me hope for eternity, where we won’t have to constantly remind ourselves of God, because we’ll be with him, bowed at his feet, praising him for his faithfulness to us in our valleys and on our mountaintops.

on living in a fallen world

“It’s not supposed to be like this.”

Those were the only words going through my mind as I walked through the ravine this morning. The ravine is one of the poorest areas in Port-Au-Prince, and we live right on the edge of it. It’s definitely not the first time I’ve been, in fact we go about every week with two other missionary friends that help with a feeding program and tend to medical needs in the little community. Even though I’ve walked the trails at least a dozen times, everything seemed amplified today. I think that the need is so great here that I just become numb to it because I see it all the time.

Every single day there are needs that we are approached with, one person needs money for food, another needs a job, another needs to go to the hospital, it never ends. Everyone always needs something. Then there’s the spiritual needs. One lady at a clinic on Tuesday was scared to place her faith in Jesus because she believed that the witch doctor had too much power over her life. What do you do with that?

How does one deal with the sadness of a fallen world day in and day out? How do I not blame God for the never ending medical needs and people dying of simple diseases because of lack of clean water? The only answer I can come up with is that I can’t. I can’t fix everyone’s issues. I can’t blame God for anything, because this is NOT how he intended us to live. He desired for us to live in harmony with him worshiping him and knowing his goodness for all of eternity. Death and poverty and hunger are not normal things, and they aren’t permanent. At then end of the day when I’m upset because I can’t provide for all of the physical needs, God reminds me, “They don’t need your clothes or your food or your clean water, they need me.” And truly, that’s all I can give them that’s of any worth.

Living in Haiti is rough and there are days when my heart is heavier than you could ever imagine. But God is worthy of all of the struggle, and I believe that he’s proud of me, and that’s what gets me through. I can’t save anyone, but he can, so I trust him. Because his love is better than anything that I’ve ever known, I will serve him.

This is what we work so hard for! This is why we are constantly struggling, because we have an assured hope fixed upon a living God who is the Savior of all mankind, especially all of us who believe. -1 Timothy 4:10

on moving and God’s goodness.

Before you ask, yes I know that it’s been about seven months since the last time I blogged. I’m well aware of the fact, actually. I have what they call running-away-from-all-of-my-feelings syndrome. If you’ve never heard of it, let me explain it to you. I’m less than a month away from moving to a fifth world country that I’ve only been to once. I’m going to be leaving good ole’ ‘Merica, my relatives, my friends, and my beloved cat. Along with all of that comes a lot of different emotions (e.g. happiness, sadness, sheer joy, hostility, loneliness…you get the gist.). Along with those emotions comes a lot of crying. Which I HATE. So, long story short, it’s easier for me to push all of those jumbled up emotions to the back of the bookshelf and ignore all of the things that I should be feeling.

The past week or so has brought all of those feelings back. Darn you, feelings. I’ve been on the verge of crying and/or yelling alllllllllllllllll week long. Stress is imminent and life is super busy. Not to mention I kinda maybe sort of haven’t spent the appropriate amount of time with God lately. Just in case you didn’t know, THAT IS A REALLY  BAD IDEA. All of this and a little bit more equals why I haven’t blogged. Oops.

This morning I sucked it up and spent time with Jesus, and I praised him for letting me come as I was, bed head, coffee breath, pajamas, and messy emotions. I asked him to teach me what he wanted me to learn. And you know the crazy thing? He did. It’s funny how that works. After unloading all of the past few months of stress onto his shoulders, I continued studying Hebrews.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.                                                                                                                     -Hebrews 4:15-16

In that moment, Jesus whispered these things to me calming all the storms. I don’t think that God wants us to walk through trials and hard times alone. He desires to walk next to us in them, holding our hand and granting us grace, mercy, and love, whenever we run out. Guys, he literally invites us to squeeze in little bit closer to him so that he can calm our fears and whisper in our ears, “I understand your pain, I know that you’re hurting, but I’m here.” Who can top that?

This season of life that I’m currently in has challenged my view of God in countless ways. I’ve had to ask myself things like, “Do you really believe that God is sovereign and caring enough to provide for your basic needs, like food and clothes?” Also, nothing makes you realize your inadequacy like being a missionary. I IN NO WAY AT ALL FEEL QUALIFIED TO TAKE THE GOSPEL TO HAITI. I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU THAT I HADN’T SPENT QUALITY TIME WITH JESUS IN OVER A WEEK (worst missionary ever award goes to…). No but really. I’ve seen how sucky of a person I am, and I’ve realized how good God is that he loves me anyways. I’ve seen the goodness of God in ways that you wouldn’t believe, and I’ve seen brokenness too. The funny thing is, I haven’t even moved yet, and I’ve already learned these things. Oh life, you’re so weird.

Dad leaves for Haiti in eight short days, and mom, Makayla and I will follow three weeks later. IT’S GETTING CLOSER Y’ALL. We are so pumped but we still need quite a bit of monthly support! We believe that our Father will equip us with everything that we need, as he has thus far. If you feel led to give, please head on over to http://christianlightministries.org/make-a-donation.php to partner with us. We are excited and thankful and blessed.

HAPPY JUNE 9TH.

(I’m gonna try my hardest not to be sappy and annoying with this post, but that’ll be difficult, so I’ll just go with it.)

A year ago today, I woke and prepared myself for a slew of painful goodbyes. I checked and double checked all of my luggage. I didn’t let my passport leave my sight. My fam, my new friend Hope, and I all squeezed into a van and made the trek to Dulles.

Most of that day is a blur in my mind, but I do remember one thing vividly. In Dulles, before you go through security, you have to go down a flight of stairs. After I had said goodbye to my fam, it seemed like everything moved quickly. I had entered the, “What the crap am I doing,” phase and tears threatened to fall at the most inconvenient time. Because I was basically crying, I literally could hardly see anything and looking back now, it’s by the sheer grace of God that I didn’t fall down the stairs. When we finally got to security, I’m sure that I looked pathetic. So much so, that the security guy looked at me and picked up on my sadness. He looked at me really funny and told me some ridiculous joke (I couldn’t for the life of me tell you what the joke was about now) and I basically busted out laughing. There were so many more tears shed that day and on the plane, but I sure am thankful for that guy. I have no valid reason for telling you guys about that encounter, I was just following the Holy Spirit man.

Looking back over being in Uganda and the whole re-entry process, I’m in awe of all that God has taught me and brought me through. There have been more tears, more laughter, more bad days, and more joys than I could’ve ever imagined being packed into one year. Even though some of it was painful and incredibly heartbreaking, God has shown me that he’s more faithful and more loving than I can fathom. He pursues me on the good days and the bad days. These truths have given me an even greater reason to chase after him with everything that I have and in everything that I do.

My day today looks a lot different than it did a year ago. Today, I woke up and spent the majority of my time designing a t-shirt to sell to raise money for our move to Haiti in January. It’s ridiculous how much the tables can turn in just a year (or you know, a few months…). So…yeah. That’s where I’m at. I just felt like I had to write something since it had been a year. HAPPY JUNE 9TH FRIENDS.

mere.

p.s. Stay on the lookout for our t-shirts, we should be pre-selling them soon!

haiti or bust.

Hurry up and wait.

I lived by this statement in Uganda. It became sort of like a mantra type thing. Everything takes ten times longer to do than it should there, but it’s the Ugandans lifestyle, and I learned to adopt it myself for a few months. But when my feet touched the ground in Dulles, the first question that came to mind was, “Okay, now what?”

After I finished processing my experience in Uganda (do you ever really stop processing though?), my family knew that God had something special planned for us. However, when our church unveiled the short-term mission trips for this year, none of us felt any pull to go on one of them. We knew that we were supposed to do something involving missions, but we were left scratching our heads. So, we waited. We prayed. We talked. We kept on living life. Then, something strange happened.

As time passed, our family started joking around saying,”Ha! What if God called us to be full-time missionaries?” We laughed the thought off, dismissing it lightly. Despite that, the possibility never really left our minds. We thought about it constantly. It even got to the point that we started looking for job opportunities with Samaritan’s Purse. The whole thing seemed like an unreachable and impossible dream, until now.

By the end of January, we knew that this weird passion for long-term missions wasn’t going away. So we told God yes. It’s kinda funny how fast he works. The next day, we received a Facebook message from the Hambrick’s, a missionary couple in Haiti who we all have worked with. They talked about how they needed some help in their ministry. Astounded, we replied back quickly saying that we would pray about it. Through several messages back and forth, we set up a date to meet with the Hambrick’s.

In the time between then, we prayed and we waited. God was faithful, as always, and he provided us with proof after proof that we were on the right path.

Well friends, on Thursday, we had our little meeting around a little kitchen table.

As it turns out, we’re moving to Port-Au-Prince, Haiti.

In Haiti, we will be assisting Jim and Debbie Hambrick in their effort to run a mission house called “Our House of Hope.” We will serve the teams that come through that house in the best way we can. As we get acclimated with our surroundings there, we might also get involved with some other ministries on our off weeks.

Never in a million years would I have thought that God would move our hearts, as a family, in this way. But, I mean, he’s God, so yeah. It’s going to be a crazy next few months! We hope to move in January of 2016, so be prepared for a fundraising overload!

Please keep our family in your prayers and we enter another busy season of waiting. We are so thankful for everyone’s support thus far!

this isn’t pretty.

Okay, so this isn’t pretty. Bear with me.

Before you leave on a mission trip, lots of people tell you to abandon all of your expectations. I agree with that, expectations ruin reality. I listened and tried my hardest to not have any expectations. It wasn’t that hard, after all, I didn’t really have anything to expect because I had never met the Sandy’s before. They don’t tell you that you shouldn’t have any expectations coming home. I failed at that one. I had a bunch of them.

The three months that I spent in Uganda were earthshattering and life-changing. When I stepped off the plane in Dulles, I expected that a huge change would be underway. That seems reasonable, right? It seems to be a reoccurring thing that if you go on any type of mission trip, you come home changed. But I didn’t feel different. What was I supposed to feel? Then, something worse started happening. Instead of processing my experiences, I put them in the back of my head. I used so many excuses to avoid thinking about my Ugandan friends. I stopped journaling about it. I also began to think that no one really wanted to hear about it. No one really asked me questions about my trip. I wanted them to know about my experiences. I wanted them to know that I witnessed miracles and hiked and saw three waterfalls and held a chameleon and made new relationships and found my calling; but these sure don’t seem like the things that you bring up in regular conversation. Now, my family has been great through this by giving me space and time to think and pray. My friends have too. But sometimes I just want to yell and say, “Do you even care that I went to Uganda? Do you even want to know about the three months of my life that you weren’t really a part of?” I guess what I told you earlier was a lie. I have changed. But I don’t think it’s for the better. Since I’ve been blocking out my experiences, I have found myself just going through the motions. I try my best to do what everyone expects of me, but I know my heart isn’t in it.  I’m not the same passionate person I was when in Uganda and even before I left.

I want you guys to know about my experience. I want you to hear what it was like to see God work so evidently in and around me. But, I need you to ask. Ask me questions. They can be silly questions or serious questions, either way, I’ll be insanely happy to give my best answer to them.

I’m getting better. My mom sat down and talked with me about the whole situation which ended in an hour long crying/blubbering session for me, but it was necessary. I realized my issue. I can’t tell you that I know everything that God taught me through this long experience. I don’t know what comes next. I don’t know the next time I’ll leave America. But I do know that God is teaching me to be okay with just being still.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

He’s teaching me to be okay with “normal” following Jesus in America. He’s teaching me that I don’t have to do something radical to prove myself to him, to my parents, to my friends, or whoever. He’s proving to me that He’s enough. I’m almost 100% positive that God is calling me to foreign missions, but I’m learning to be content if he calls me to stay right here in North Carolina, too. Oh, contentment. Friends, this isn’t the end of this journey. I’m sure that he will teach a lot more. Thank you all for being so patient with me. That’s all I got. Peace out.

my year in 1191 words.

If you read all of this, props to you, because it is ridiculously long.

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for the infamous “reflection of the past year” blog. So now, I will recap and reflect on the past year and everything that the Lord has done.

January- January was a month of fundraising for Uganda and Haiti. It was also my second Cageless Birds worship night, and one of my favorites. My friend moved in with my family for a few days because we went through an ESL certification class (and passed!). I also made it through my first hunting trip, endured my third mouth surgery, found the largest grapefruit that I have ever seen (I felt that this was important), PLAYED IN THE SNOW AT 10PM, and discovered the bliss of cookies in mugs.

February- My birthday month! Fundraising continued. During this month, my mom had to go out to Wyoming to take care of my grandfather who was having surgery. She was gone for two weeks in which Makayla and I had to do ALL the laundry (it never ends), cook, and do school. I went the 20/20 conference and learned more about the body of Christ and why it is so crucial. The Rainear’s lived with us for a week in which all of us got some type of sickness. Then, they left for Uganda and lots of tears were shed. OH, and I turned 16. But I was sick with a 103 fever and didn’t get my license because Africa. Also, I found out that my name means guardian of the sea/great chief so basically I’m fierce.

March- My friend Sophie and I reunited! I continue to be blessed by her relationship with Jesus and how much she truly cares for people. Other notable things: my family and I loyally supported the Wolfpack Women’s basketball team through the ACC, got new glasses, REND COLLECTIVE’S ALBUM CAME OUT, gave my friend some dreads, got shots for Uganda, and led a DNow group.

April- I had my first Uganda training meeting which obviously made me excited and scared at the same time. I also got to know a wonderful chick named Ebbie, who God has used to speak wisdom into my life continually. I had my last big fundraiser! Also, my friend Jordan came and spent a weekend with us, but I got sick and contaminated everyone. I GOT AN IPHONE FINALLY.

May- This month was a very challenging one. My friends, the Rainears, ended up having to come home from Uganda to care for Mrs. Megan’s mother, who was very ill. However, through God’s sovereignty, he provided another family in Mbale, Uganda who were more than willing to host me for the three months. This added a whole new level and stress to my whole trip, but I still had a strange peace about things. God taught me that his will and timing are perfect. I also had to say goodbye to my friend Kayleigh for about a year. This broke my heart and we both cried a bunch of tears, but we rejoiced because we knew that the reason we were saying goodbye was because Jesus had great plans for us both, and that was enough to console us a bit.

June- After a quick beach trip, the packing began! It took pretty much forever. Mom, Makayla, and I made a special and long roadtrip to Roanoke to meet Mrs. Katrenna, who I would be staying with in Uganda. This trip comforted my mom and made any doubt I had disappear, I am so grateful for that little meeting. I went to go see The Fault in Our Stars with Jo, one of the last things we did together before I left. I met my friend Hope, who I had been talking with since February. I am so thankful for her and how God has worked in and through our friendship. Then I did this thing and got a plane and said goodbye to my friends and America and went to Uganda for three months all for the glory of Jesus. It turned out to be totally awesome.

July- This month was one of the most challenging and rewarding months of my life. I was introduced to a little boy named David who was terribly sick, but God miraculously healed him after many scary nights and days. I attended a Ugandan introduction (where the groom presents the bride’s father with a dowry), cried because my dad was on the other side of the world and terribly sick, slaughtered and plucked chickens with my friend Irene, learned to make matooke, celebrated America’s independence in the wrong country, and fell in love with Uganda more than I ever thought possible.

August- I went to a wonderful children’s home called Lulwanda, and I had an amazing time with those loving kids (and got sunburned so bad that it hurt to move). Zula came home from school and we had many sleepovers, I hiked at Sipi Falls and saw three waterfalls and won the award for muddiest hiker! I also saw the destruction of sin when a child in our program, named Alan, passed away. I also witnessed that same devastation while comforting Joyce, one of my friends at CRO, because her HIV medications were taking a huge toll on her little body. WE FOUND A KITTEN IN OUR COMPOUND. Jesus taught me that even in the midst of sadness and hopelessness, there is joy in him.

September- The month I got home. I was officially dubbed a world traveler when I braved three airports all by myself (with the help of some random lady in London who was really nice). I reunited with my family and best friends (WITH A SURPRISE FROM MY BESTIE WHO I THOUGHT HAD ALREADY LEFT FOR THE WORLD RACE). I got my license, saw my friend off for nine months, roadtripped it to Morehead City to see Rend Collective in concert, and jumped back into church, school, and student band. I also started a job.

October- I started speaking about my trip to Uganda which scared me out of my wits. I wrote my Ugandan friend a letter. It was a quiet month in which God taught me how to rest. I started learning how to play guitar.

November- I spoke in Overflow about Uganda, attended another Helser concert, and celebrated Thanksgiving at the beach!

December- Christmastime, my favorite. My grandfather came and spent a few days with us, I picked up a little bit of piano, attended a family reunion, the band played in Christmas overflow, and I locked my keys in the car for the first time. It caused a lot of stress. I got to reunite with the Sandy’s, which made my heart so happy! It was wonderful to catch up with them and learn how God still has his hand on their ministry.

God has been amazingly faithful to my family and I this year, as he is all the time. I encourage you to look back on what occurred in 2014 and worship Jesus for his wonderful mercy and grace.

Happy 2015!

to those who wait

Well, I’ve been dormant on this blog for a while now, and for that, I’m truly sorry. It’s been a whirlwind of a three months, from saying goodbyes in Uganda, saying hello’s in America, saying goodbye to my best friend until May, and settling back into life in America. Two weeks after coming home, I started my junior year of high school. I also jumped right back into student band and joined a new small group which is exciting! Needless to say, I’ve been busy. I am so enjoying being home and spending time with my family and friends. However, there is one question that’s been bothering me since coming home, what do I do next? Several people have inquired of me this question. I should have it planned out, right? I have begged God to reveal the next step for my life, do I go on another short-term mission trip? Do I go on another long-term trip? Despite my pleading, he hasn’t answered. I was mad at him. I went days without spending time or talking with him, I watched my sinful self get the best of me. How could he send me to Uganda for three months, allow me to have such an amazing experience, and then not give me further instruction? Infuriated, I sat down and wrote a letter to him. I asked him why he felt so far away. I told him that I was mad and I didn’t understand why he was making me wait. I asked him to come near to me. He did. My answer came in a song (even though it’s not really an answer, just a comfort). The song is called “To Those Who Wait” by Bethany Dillon.

I am waiting on You,

I am waiting on You.

You say You’re good to those who wait.

My heart’s discouraged,

So I come to You expectant.

You say You’re good to those who wait.

Lord, today You know what I need to do,

But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.

So I won’t run anymore.

I’m waiting on You.

Oh, wretched man that I am!

Free me from my distractions.

You say You’re good to those who wait.

Then confession and repentance

Find me in the quiet.

You say You’re good to those who wait.

Now I know You’re good to those who wait.

Lord, today You know what I need to do,

But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.

So I won’t run anymore.

I’m waiting on You.

Oh, my soul,

Wait upon the Lord.

Keep your lamp filled with oil.

Oh, my soul,

Be not deceived!

Wait for Him.

Don’t be quick to leave.

Lord, today You know what I need to do,

But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.

So I won’t run anymore.

I’m waiting on You.

Yes, I’m still waiting. I have absolutely no idea what God has in store for my life in the next few years. But he’s good to those who wait, so that’s what I do. I wait.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

the coming home blog: my experiences in Uganda.

You’ve seen them. You know, the faces on the commercials. You’ve seen the ads with crusty-nosed, bony, and dark skinned children. You’ve seen the eyes begging for love, attention, care. You’ve seen the pictures from friend’s mission trips. You’ve seen how they drape their arms across these children, giving them the love they yearn for.

Friends, I’m here to tell you that these children aren’t just faces on an ad. They are very real, and some of them are my friends.

I got to know these kids. They have dreams, they like to play outside, they love to eat. Kids are kids, universally. But these kids have struggles. Most of them have an alcoholic for a father. Some of their mothers have abandoned them. Some of them don’t even have a mom or dad because of a horrible disease that could have been treated/cured, or other unknown reasons. Most of them have probably attended the burial of a friend or sibling. Some of them don’t know where their next meal is coming from.

But you probably know these things. You have most likely read these statistics in a magazine or seen them on one of those desperate TV commercials.

Uganda is advertised as Christian nation. They still need Jesus. Most of these people have misconceptions of Jesus, or are too bitter to even accept him. The Muslim population is very large there. Mosques are sprinkled throughout every city/town.

Living in a third world country for three months is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Evidence of the fall, described in Genesis 3, overwhelmed me. I personally held children that later died. The sweetest 8-year-old I know has HIV, her name is Joyce. My best Ugandan friend, Irene, became an orphan at a young age. Moses, my friend that I posted a video of, is 5 years old, weighs 8 kilos, and is an orphan. He and his four siblings live with their Jjajja (grandmother) who loves them the best she can. Moses is joyful and witty, always cracking a smile. I know countless people with stories similar to these.

I had days where all I wanted was some correctly labeled ice cream, or to sing with my best friend, or be able to drive somewhere. I had days where I wanted to yell at every person I encountered. It’s not easy by any means. But every time I became frustrated or annoyed, I reminded myself, this isn’t about me at all. I did not go to Uganda to be comfortable. I went because I hoped to be a glimpse of Jesus to someone else.

Jesus has given me the desire and ability to live uncomfortably. While being at home is great, I know he is calling me to a different corner of the world. Where? I’m not totally sure.

So, what now? I have absolutely no idea what Jesus has panned for me next. For now, it is being a leader in my student ministry and sharing my experiences with others, maybe inspiring them to follow Jesus’ call to all believers in Matthew 28. I ask you yet again to pray for me, as I figure out where I am to go next. However, I am very sure I will be back in the great country of Uganda sometime in the near future.

PS- Special thank you to my good friends, the Sandy’s, for opening up their home to me for so long. You all taught me so much about not only being a missionary, but about being a good Christ follower. I love you guys and am praying for you always! Also, special shout out to Jesus for making this all possible, I love You and Your people.

left to right: Emma (Emmanuel), Ivan, Joanne, and Joyce.

Irene and Merida, best friends.

Moses and Auntie, oh I love this boy.

on hating sin and loving selflessly.

So, I’ve been feeling like I should write a blog about the fact that I have only have less than a month here in Uganda, but because of lack of time and words, it hasn’t happened yet. Now, I have made the decision to suck it up and at least write something. My time here has been beautiful, devastating, hard, wonderful, and filled with lessons from God. It’s so hard to even begin to put this experience into words. There are two things that God has clearly been trying to tell me since I have been here. As I as talking to my pastor after I came to Mbale, he said something that I knew was profound, “The ‘fallenness’ you see will either make you hate God or hate sin even more.” As I sat there in my room I could almost hear God asking me, “Meredith, are you going to hate me or sin?” With the amount of brokenness I see here daily, I could probably just sit in my room and cry all day because of it, yelling at God and blaming him for it. But who would that help? It’s not God’s fault. It’s ours. And we are called to do something about it. So, I have chosen to see his sovereignty and hate sin even more. No, it’s not easy but it’s worth it. The other things I’ve learned from this is how to serve like Jesus did. For most of the time that I’ve been here, the book of Matthew has been my main focus. I have tried to hone in on how Jesus served, his mannerisms when he served, and things of that nature. He has showed me the selfishness I sometimes have when I serve, when I’m really supposed to be selfless. I want to serve and show love the way Jesus does and did, selflessly and without expecting anything in return. Well there you have it friends, a small picture of how God has worked on me while I’ve been away. August is going to be a crazy month so I know it’ll fly by! Thank you for your continued prayers, y’all rock!

See you in September!
Mere

p.s. I don’t have Ebola 😉